10 days left...

In 10 days I say goodbye to my best friend for two whole years. I'll admit it. I'm not ready to let him go but I have to be strong. I know it's what The Lord wants and I support him fully. The people of Mexico are gonna be so lucky to have him.

He means everything to me and I can't wait for the day he returns in honor. I love him with all my heart. 

But I am scared. I'm actually scared out of my mind. So many things could happen in the two years and all the different outcomes is what scares me most. I know I want to marry him. It's crazy to say that, but it's true. I'm worried that when he comes back, I won't be good enough for him. Or we will become worlds apart and there will be nothing. Waiting for somebody for two years is scary but even after all my insecurities, at the end of the day I tell myself I can wait. I deserve to at least know what can become of the two of us. I don't want to let him go and regret it when it's too late. 

He knows practically every side of me there is and he still loves me. I have never felt this way about anyone before...and I'll just say I've had my fair share of guys. He makes me so happy and I love being with him. 

I'm also scared because I have nobody else I can rely on like him. I just started out on a new chapter in my life with college and I have nobody. I've met nice people but I was so naive to think I would find a friend I could rely on like all my old high school friends who are now miles away. Every day that gets closer to saying goodbye to Wyatt, I become more and more afraid to let him go. I already feel like I've lost practically everything and so I'm afraid to lose him too. I know I sound like some whining baby, but I honestly I don't want to be alone. I love being with friends and having a good time but since college, I don't really have any friends with me or have much fun. Everyone says college is so much better than high school. I disagree. I loved high school more than anything and college is like jr. high to me. Where I feel like I don't belong and like I don't have a place anywhere. I've tried to start getting involved but I haven't seen it going anywhere. 

So enough with the depressing, whining stuff...I know that The Lord is with me every day. I've seen it in just the few days I've been on my own. I know he's watching over me and my needs. He gave me my sister who doesn't live far from me. He gave me the blessing of my family living close if I ever need to come home. He gave me good professors and great advisors to help me through my college years. And he gave me Wyatt. So that I would know what love felt like. Yes, I may be saying goodbye to him, but he's been a huge blessing in my life. I know God will help me the next two years to help me be strong. He hears and answers prayers...even the silent ones. He wants us to be happy, and knowing that makes all difference. 

So for the next ten (well nine now) days I'll be posting things about me and Wyatt and our journey to us saying goodbye for two years. 

This was from his farewell a couple weeks ago :)