I have always known that having God on my side and keeping Him a part of my life made me stronger than when I was on my own. Then Wyatt came along and it was the 3 of us. We could have chosen to make it just the two of us, but Wyatt and I both knew we needed God in our relationship to make it work. That's one thing that has made waiting for Wyatt easier.
However, God sometimes asks us to sacrifice for the people we love.
I received that dreaded email from my missionary today. The one that tells you that he needs to focus more on the Lord and less on you. I have been waiting for this email for quite a while though.
Early into Wyatt's mission, probably a couple of months into it, I had been praying about mine and Wyatt's relationship. I had received an answer that yes, I was going to get in the way of Wyatt's focus and that God needed Him to focus on his mission and that I needed the time to grow on my own. I was confused at first because I wasn't told to tell Wyatt what I knew and from back then, it didn't seem like I was in the way yet. So I was told to wait and everything would be okay - which only made me more confused.
However, time went on and for a while I almost forgot about it, but it came back to me a few weeks ago. Wyatt wrote a letter to me saying how he made a commitment to God that he would start sacrificing things so he could become more converted to the mission and that he would be praying to know what the Lord wanted him to sacrifice. That's when I remembered what I had been told months before.
A few days later, I went to the temple on a whim and since it was late, I just sat outside the gates and prayed. I cried out to God asking him what I was to do. I loved Wyatt more than anything but I felt like it was time. I was so worried though, because I didn't know if we could make it last if we didn't get to email each other once a week. I cried and cried asking what God wanted me to do and the answer I got: rain.
Yup, that's right. My answer was rain. Which may sound really weird but rain to me, in my relationship with Wyatt has become a way of comfort and peace as well as telling me to just wait (It's kind of a long story). So that was what I got that night. To wait because Wyatt needed to figure it out on his own.
So today was finally the day. And yes, it still hurt even knowing that it was coming soon, but God prepared me for it. I don't normally tell people much of what Wyatt and I say to each other but this is some of what he said in his email today.
"I prayed to God asking what are some things you want me to sacrifice? And the first thing that came up was you. At this point I was crying because I knew this would be the hardest thing to do....I'm not asking us to end this awesome, most marvelous relationship...this is something that will help us....I hope you are proud of me for making this decision and I hope you respect it because we have respected both of our decisions for a year and I love that..."
He later goes on and tells me some goals and promises he makes for the both of us.
Honestly, I couldn't be happier that this is the man I fell in love with. A man willing to put aside his desires for the Lord's desires. I know it's not going to be easy now, but if this is the man I'm meant to marry, I will sacrifice all I can to prove my love for him and be sealed to him for time and all eternity. I know it seems like God is asking a lot from the both of us, but I also know that He will make up for the sacrifices we make for Him. God only gives us what He knows we can handle and what we need. And together, the 3 of us can make a strong bond that is unbreakable.
17 months seemed so much easier knowing I'd hear from him at least once a week but I trust God. I know He will be there for the both of us every step of the way these next 17 months as we both better ourselves for each other.
I love Wyatt and I know I always will. I hope more than anything that I get to become his wife one day. I support him completely for these next 17 months and will stand by him even at a distance. We are making our threefold cord strong. I'm glad God prepared me for today and I'm glad that Wyatt was able to learn for himself to put me aside for the rest of his mission so that he can return in honour.
I still get it send Wyatt some packages and I'll still take my monthly photos. The only thing really changing is the fact that we will both be focusing more on what the Lord wants of us.
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