Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Love never is easy

Being a girlfriend is hard. You have to learn to give up some things, try new things, compromise and work alongside your partner to make things work. Relationships require for both parties to work.
The past 5 months I've come to learn how much harder it is to be a missionary girlfriend. They never get enough credit for all they do and all they sacrifice for the one they love. Instead, a lot of the time they end up getting criticized, teased, and torn down because of the bad rep of a girl who waits for a missionary for two years. I've found it funny how supportive people are of girls who wait for guys who leave for deployment, yet they turn around and say that a missionary girlfriend "is going to just 'dear john' their missionary."
Missionary girlfriends are some of the strongest people I know. They say goodbye to somebody they love more than anything. They can't call or text them. They get to email once a week (if that), they get a letter every now and then (if any), some get to Skype on Christmas and Mother's Day or a phone call before they leave for the airport. Some girls have even more restrictions than what I've mentioned. But waiting for a missionary really is one of the hardest long-distance relationships.
Contrary to what people believe, they don't put their life on hold, but learn how to be happy even though half their heart is miles away. They learn to deal with sadness without the one who helped them the most.
They don't always get to talk about their missionary to people, but when they do you can see the love come from their eyes and you can hear how proud they are of their missionary. Missionary girlfriends learn to be open to any kind of relationships around them. Every relationship is different and that's okay. I've seen these girls open their hearts up to so many people in all different kinds of relationships and support them when they need support. No questions asked, these girls will be there for you through your relationship because they believe in love and being happy with the one you love no matter how much it asks of you to sacrifice.
Missionary girlfriends learn to keep their head up even when everything and everyone is telling them to just give up. They have heard it all from, "you're going to find another guy" to "you are just distracting him." This is not something they need to hear! It's like if you are trying to go rock climbing for the first time and your friend is telling you that you're just going to fall and you'll never reach the top. If they continue to say it, they question themselves and eventually end up feeling like they aren't capable of doing something. It needs to stop! Do you really want to be the reason they never try to make it to the top because it's too difficult of a climb? I understand you are trying to make sure you pull my head out of the clouds and realize what really could happen, but I don't need to be reminded of something I already know! I knew what I was getting myself into when I chose to wait for my missionary. But I thought I deserved to at least know where we were heading and what this relationship could do for the both of us. I wasn't ready to just end things with Wyatt because he made me happy and I wasn't ready to let go of that happiness. Call me selfish but that's really what we all are looking for in this life. A love where you can feel truly happy no matter what it asks you to sacrifice.
I love Wyatt and I wanted to make sure I loved him beyond all the physical stuff. I wanted to know if
I truly loved him like I said I did. This has put my love for him to the test in a way I wasn't prepared for but was willing to take. I never once felt pressured to say I would wait for Wyatt because that's what he wanted me to do. He let me choose. And it just so happened that what I chose, was in line with what he wanted. He has proven to me that what we have was more than I thought it was. Wyatt has truly been there for me through so much and helped me in ways that sound impossible when he's so far away. He's been understanding of choices I've made and he's been supportive beyond belief about where I'm going in life. He continues to make me feel loved in simple phrases, words or even little surprises. I love that boy more than words could describe.
Missionary girlfriends often don't share how hard it is to be one. I wouldn't wish for my worst enemy to be in my shoes, but at the same time, this experience has been one of the most rewarding experiences. There are days when you feel so down and unsure about what you are doing. Yes. We question ourselves many times throughout the waiting because of all of the uncertainty. Did I really make the right choice? Is he going to love me when he gets home? What if there's somebody else I'm meant to be with? Did I make a mistake? Do I really love him? I'll admit it. I've had these thoughts many times. I have a long way, I know. And yes, there still is a lot of uncertainty of the future with Wyatt, but as I've learned, it really is like that in any relationship. It was like that when I dated other guys. I questioned if things in other relationships just like I do at times with Wyatt. That's what comes when you give the power of holding your heart to somebody else. You'll never be able to escape it.
Sometimes it feels like you are dating a ghost. Being a missionary girlfriend really takes a lot of faith. Between all the disbelievers, distance, lack of communication, and even Satan - these girls that choose to wait for a missionary have every right to walk away because it really is hard. But they choose not to because of their faith. Their faith in themselves, in their relationship and in their God up above.
So let the missionary girlfriends dream. Let them be happy. They deserve it. They've given up a lot and God needed them to wait.
Who cares if they don't end up with the missionary they were originally waiting for? Waiting takes a lot from somebody and not everyone can do it. Yet these girls accept the challenge head on, not knowing what the future holds, but having faith that things will end up okay in the end. These girls have become my support and strength when I've needed it most. I don't know what I'd do without their amazing examples and I'm so lucky to have them in my life as we all go on this crazy journey. There wasn't an instruction manual on how to be a missionary girlfriend. I stepped into this not knowing how hard it really would be. I knew it was going to be difficult but it really has proven to me what I am capable of doing. It has shown me that I do deserve to be happy and to be loved by somebody. Who knows what the future will bring Wyatt and I but for now, we are happy with what we have even with the distance.
I am so grateful that even through all the disbelief, I have found people who believe in what I'm doing. I'm glad I've had such a great support system. I know I'm lucky to have as much support as I do. Love isn't an easy thing, and this waiting thing hasn't been a bit of easy, but it's been worth it and it has brought me joy in ways I never thought possible.
Missionary girlfriends deserve so much more credit than they are given. They really are some of the strongest people I know and I've come to know of God's love for His missionary girlfriends. He loves them dearly and I'm glad I got to be in this journey with them. The future holds great things for each of these girls I have come to know and I am so excited for them and all they have going for them. Keep your head up girls. You are an example to many people. You are great and you are strong. Love you girls! Here's to two years!



7 comments:

  1. I really needed to hear this today Alissa. Thank you so much for posting. There is so much truth in your statements.

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    1. You're welcome :) I'm glad you liked it and was able to help you today. You're amazing! Don't ever forget that!

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  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS! And LOVE YOU! <3

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  3. 2. Develop the habits that help a missionary to grow. Therefore, I would incorporate in your daily life the virtues, principles and objectives stated in D&C Section 4:
    1 Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men.
    2 Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day.
    3 Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work;
    4 For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;
    5 And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work.
    6 Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence.
    7 Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen.
    The most important challenge to missionaries is their efforts and desires to serve Him. My challenge to you is to look for every opportunity to serve Him and His children. Remember it takes a deliberate and intentional effort. Its not something that is just a good idea. You develop the habit of volunteering with the attitude that it’s the greatest blessing to serve others. Because when you do, you learn to love people and God. Serve in your ward and institute or look for ways to serve in the community.

    3. Grow in spiritual knowledge. Next to serving God and people, the reason that a missionary grows so much on their missions is that they become educated on the doctrine of Christ. The doctrine of Christ is the basis of our understanding of who we are and the plan of salvation. When we study and become immersed in understanding the nature of God and our relationship to Him, we grow to understand how infinite and unconditional his love is for each of us and why He has provided the atonement. We come to understand why we need the priesthood and the saving ordinances of the gospel. Nurturing that understanding is the very essence of our testimonies.

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  4. Dear Alissa:
    This is Wyatt Johnson’s dad. I know it is not common to have a father of a son respond to a Facebook posts of a blog of his son’s girlfriend. However, I look at it a little differently than some fathers. I care deeply about people that are important to my children, especially when it comes to my son Wyatt. Wyatt has always been one of my most loving, faithful and loyal children. His brothers and sisters have always known that Wyatt is a very unique and a very gifted child. Not necessarily gifted in some of the traditional ways that fathers and families may see their son or brother, but in ways that are far beyond this world. Wyatt has unique gift of caring for others, always seeing the best in others, very rarely judging others. He is person without guile in both humility and love. Some have made fun of him because of this virtue of which have made us feel bad when his friends and others of taken advantage of his innocence and gullibility. But given the right environment and circumstances, Wyatt will be a tremendous asset to the Lord and his own family one day.
    Alissa In your efforts to determine your course and journey over the next two years, may I suggest a few things that might help you be blessed with enlightenment and growth.
    1. It is very important to focus on your educational opportunities. The most important blessing and experience we have in mortality is to challenge our mind, skills and talents. Kelli and I perceive that you have a gift in learning and an aptitude of ambition – challenging and achieving what you set out to accomplish. My challenge to you is gain the highest level of educational opportunities possible. No matter the sacrifice or time required, obtain a college degree that will provide you the ability to pursue an independent capacity to earn an income whether you are single, married or future circumstances. You and your future family will be blessed for it.

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  5. Alissa, in order to become spiritually minded, surround yourself with inspiring people that love purity, chastity and holiness. When you are idle, read and post things that inspire goodness in people and reflect your faith and the best of who you are.

    Go to the temple often, even weekly. I know for certainty that the temple is God’s holy house. I work and attend the temple weekly and I experience not only His spirit, but I see miracles. I have felt many times when I have least expected it, the spirit of those beyond the veil. I have received direct spiritual communication from the Lord and other holy spirits in the temple. I know the best way to prepare yourself to be a mother and wife someday is learn to love and go where I know Satan cannot dwell and you can obtain unseen spiritual blessings and direct answers to your prayers.

    Attend institute and all of your ward meetings, every week. Be absolutely faithful and devoted to your meetings.

    4. If all missionary girlfriends would embark in the service of others and their God like their missionaries, their lives would be directed by God and very fulfilled. You will discover that by loving God and devoting your will to his, your understanding of the following scripture will apply to God, your missionary boyfriend and your life.

    Matthew 11:30, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

    Remember to patient in the journey of life. Remember to have joy which comes by having gratitude for the simple and important things of your life. Don’t get ahead or be hard on yourself. When you have fears or doubts or need direction, ask your father or Bishop for a priesthood blessing.

    Looking forward to your future posts and blogs.

    Best,
    Randy Johnson

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