Starting to Adjust to Being a Missionary Girlfriend

Okay...so I knew this was going to be hard, but I honestly didn't think it would be this hard. After Wyatt left , I honestly felt so detached from everything. I was sad and upset and always feeling down. I wasn't happy even though I tried to be...I just couldn't seem to be happy. I didn't care how I looked because I felt like there was no point in caring since Wyatt was gone. I didn't want to see anybody. I just wanted to sit at home and cry and feel bad about myself. I honestly wasn't myself and I have never felt that way before. I was so heartbroken...it felt as if I had just gotten broken up with and honestly...it was hard on me.
Finally, I couldn't handle it anymore. One night, I got down on my knees and I poured out my soul to my Father in Heaven. It was hard. I have never felt this way before, but God helped me through that night. I had already been afraid that Wyatt was going to tell me that we needed to break things off. I was scared to death that he didn't want me to be a distraction and that he was falling out of love with me. I cried out to Heavenly Father and asked for comfort, some sort of peace so that I could make it through this hard time. I felt some peace that night, but it wasn't until the next day that I was filled with comfort.
I had received an email from my sweetheart! It was a short, simple message but it was all I needed. He told me he loved me and that was all I needed to hear from him. Yes, the rest of the email was nice but I just needed to know he still loved me. God had answered my prayer. He really is aware of his daughters...especially those missionary girlfriends. After that email I was finally happy and I picked myself up and have been doing better.
Saturday I was truly happy again. I laughed! And I was having an amazing day! Yes, I wish Wyatt could have been there with me or I wish I could have texted him to tell him how great work was, but I learned that it was okay for me to be happy without him. I learned that if I lost myself in trying to make myself happy for these next two years, I can be truly happy. Even without Wyatt.
I love him more than anybody and I can't wait for when I'll get to share those little moments with him again. But for now, I'm learning to adjust to him being gone and still trying to be myself. It's hard. It's extremely hard, but I'm willing to try because he's so worth it! He makes me so happy and I don't want to lose him. I know these next two years are going to be extremely difficult. I'm going to have those days where I feel like I can't do it anymore, but I'm going to make it through! I promise. I don't fall in love that easy. A lot of people think I do but honestly...I don't. Wyatt is everything to me and I'm in love with him. I hope he realizes how much I love him and how lucky I feel just to know he is mine.
I know with God by my side, I can make it through these next two years. I have felt my relationship grow with Him in just the week Wyatt has been gone. I'm grateful I have a Father in Heaven who is aware of my concerns, my struggles and my anxieties. He has been helping me out like crazy and I love Him for it!
Here's to adjusting!

And he's off :'/

Today my best friend left. He checked into the MTC at 1:00 pm today. Yeah, I cried today. I cried while writing my school paper in the library. I cried in the bathroom. I cried on the walk home. I cried laying in bed. I cried when my friend came over. I cried when my mom took me home. I cried a lot. 

I'm really going to miss him. 

This is going to be so hard and I know that but I'm willing to try because I know he's worth it. I hope I never forget how much I love him. He's my world and even though we have miles apart, we can still love each other. 

He's going to do amazing on his mission. Mexico is lucky to have him :) love you babe. Forever and always! I promise. 

(Just so you know..."I promise" is what me and Wyatt say to each other all the time. It's like our "always." At least I think that's what it's called...it's from the Fault in our Stars. Haha. But yeah, thought you should know)

Last day well spent...

Today was my last day with Wyatt before he leaves tomorrow to the MTC. I'm going to miss him so much but I'm glad I got to write him a letter and put it in his packet for the MTC.

I already can't wait to see him again. Two years is going to be hard but I know we'll make it babe. 

I got to take some pictures with him today thanks to my friend. After that he went to dinner with his family and then they picked me up so we could spend some time together before he got set apart. 

I finally cried in front of him. 

I love you babe. We're gonna make it if we really want to. He's gonna make an amazing missionary and Mexico is lucky to have him. 

2 days.... (yesterday's post)

I had this written out but I guess it didn't post...awkward... here's yesterday's. It's a really short one...oh well.


And now we are down to only two :(

Where has all the time gone? It seems like just yesterday he was opening his call and we still had so much time left, now he's practically gone. 

I've come to realize though over the past week how much I want to spend my life with him. I love him more than I ever could have imagined and I can't wait for him to return in honor. I know I sound like a broken record, but he's my everything and I can't imagine my life without him.

I know we can make it through these next two years. It really isn't that much time when you think about it. We've got this. Sure it will be hard, but we can make it. I have faith in that.

I love you Wyatt...forever and always. I promise.

3 more :(

Today Wyatt's best friend and close friend of mine came over. It was great because I finally told somebody about all my concerns and just finally got to spill out my guys. There were tears of course but it was good to let it all out  

I'm going to make this short tonight. I love Wyatt as I'm sure you've gathered by now, but I want to marry him. I see a future with him. Yesterday his friends told me I am the best girlfriend he's had which made me happy. We also naturally started talking about if Wyatt and I got married. It just felt so right. I love him. So much. I'm so proud of him. It's gonna be hard but I can't wait for him to learn and grow. 

4....

Today was good :)

So Wyatt and I had plans to hang out tonight. Little did he know that I was actually planning a surprise farewell party with a few of our friends. 

To get him to the place though, I had him go on a scavenger hunt. I only had him go to 4 places because it was representing the 4 days we had left. At each stop I left a note and then I left a clue. I also provided balloons to coordinate to the days (four balloons for 4...etc) and that helped him find the places too since we did it at night haha. He loved it! 

For the four days I wrote a note and it's main topic was, B4 I met you. Three was, with the 3 of us (God, him and myself). Two was all about two years and one was about taking it one day at a time. 

At the end we had snacks, drinks and a cake! After that we went to dominos to get pizza haha and it was just a great night. 

I love that boy so much and it was so fun to have everyone there again :) it's gonna be hard letting him go. 

Count it on one hand (5 days)

Today I didn't see Wyatt but we got to text again all throughout the day :) I love just having small conversations with that boy. 

I also got something today that I have been super excited for. Let me show it off haha :)

Isn't it amazing?! I love it sooo much! I literally carried it in my pocket all day because I was so happy about it. Haha :)

I also went shopping today for Wyatt :) I got him a few things for his mission that I'll show once I complete it all. He's gonna be mad at how much I spent but oh well. 

Haha we have this thing when it comes to money. See I'm not a big fan of guys buying me things all the time, especially flowers and chocolates because I dry out my flowers as soon as I get them and lately I'm not a HUGE fan of chocolate. Besides, I'd rather get something I'm going to use a lot...like a necklace or shoes. If he bought me shoes!!!! Oh man I would die haha. Anyways, so yeah. I also think if he's spending money on me, I should spend some on him so it's mutual. That includes dates.

Wyatt has had a hard time with that one. He used to pay for everything and I hated it. I finally convinced him to let me pay for something and I think he's starting to get used to the idea of mutually paying for things. 

So hopefully he won't freak out too much because I'm pretty sure I spent over $100 haha. 

Oh well :) he deserves it and I love him!

Down to 6

I didn't get to see Wyatt today but we have been texting all day haha. 

One thing I love about Wyatt is how much he cares. I've been struggling at one of my jobs recently and every time I have to work there he always reminds me how much he loves me and he wishes me good luck. It's simple but it means a lot. I'll really miss that when he's gone. 

Today I cried though. 

I was talking to my professor today and we got on the topic of Wyatt and I just lost it. I don't even know why. I've been really good at keeping my emotions in check around people but I struggled today in front of my professor and after that I was weak pretty much until I got to work (because we were busy so I couldn't think about it). 

I think I broke because it finally hit me today that he leaves next week. I have so little time and that scares me! I honestly don't want him to go but I know it will benefit the both of us. 

My professor was really nice about it though and really supportive. She told me I could do it because two years wasn't really that long. I just make it seem like that. And she's right.

When you think about it two years sounds long but how fast did the past two years fly for you? Cuz mine were super fast! So that really helped. 

I know it's going to be hard to say goodbye to my best friend but I can't wait to have him return in honor :) he's amazing and I love him more than anything!

So here's to two years. There will be tears, frustrations, heartache, excitement, happiness, surprises and much more for the next two years but I'm ready. The next two years will change the both of us or the better.  The Lord will be with us so we know whatever happens, we will come out winners. 

One week (7 days)

Today Wyatt surprised me by picking me up from work tonight. We both thought we wouldn't be able to see each other tonight but we did! It was great. We went to Arby's because I had to get my work schedule for tomorrow and Friday and we also got Creme Brûlée shakes. Super good :)

After that we sat outside my apartment building in his truck and listened to music. He sang to me and it was all cute and romantic. 

We said the longest goodbye because we won't be seeing each other until Saturday evening.

I love that boy so much and every day I fall more in love with him. He's so caring and such a sweetheart to me. I'm going to miss him more than anything. 

I know tonight isn't a long post. I'm thinking tomorrow and Friday won't be long ones wait her but we'll see :)

So goodnight for now. You only have to hear about these daily things 6 more times so hang in there haha :) actually I need to hang in there...sigh. 

Only 8 days?!?!

I love my boyfriend to death :)

Today he picked me up (while it was raining) and took me to work right after I got done with my classes. And then once I got done with work he took me to my home as fast as he could. I had to take a quiz for one of my classes and it had to be done by 10. I got out of work around 9:40. He made it in time for me to have 7 minutes to do my quiz and guess what! I submitted the quiz right at 10 and only missed one question. Tender mercy!!!

After that we went to get him some food cuz he was hungry haha and we talked and just spent the rest of the night together. 

Even though we didn't have a ton of time together today, I cherished every moment because I already know that the next few days we probably won't be seeing each other :( 

As time gets closer, I learn to enjoy every second I have with him. Even if it's back and forth texting because I know I won't have that. It's crazy how fast the time has gone by and I wish he didn't have to go yet but then I just think if I had to wait longer to say goodbye I'd have to wait longer for him to even come back and I don't want that haha. He's the first one to leave out of all the guys in our friend group so I'll be the first to get their boyfriend back which is good haha. 

But seriously. 

He leaves practically next week. 

Am I going to be able to say goodbye without crying? I've been able to hold the years back whenever he's around but when. I say goodbye...I'm not sure I can...or if I even should try to hold them back. I want to be strong and make it easier but would it make it easier if I didn't cry or would he want to see me cry to know that I really do love him? 

I guess we'll find out when the time comes....

Nine days...

So today was a good day :) I had classes today so we didn't get to see each other until after my classes which is fine. We took my two younger sisters to see The Fault in our Stars at the local dollar theater. It was really good :) after we took my sisters home we went to Macey's grocery store to get some ice cream and do some grocery shopping for myself. I love shopping with that guy. He's such a dork and we always end up having a blast when we shop. Then we hung out until our curfew haha :) 

It was just a simple, but enjoyable day. 

Oh we also kissed in the rain tonight. I know cliche...but still. We couldn't resist haha. 

I can't believe how little time I have with him. I never thought it would come so fast. He's been the best part of my summer and I don't want it to be over. 

Tonight we also shared quotes we like which was a nice experience since I love quotes more than anything (well besides him of course). 

Oh and he met two of my roommates tonight. He met one on Saturday so now he's officially met them all and he likes the two from today a lot because they actually know his sister haha :) small world!!!

So that was my amazing day nine. He makes me so happy and I'm glad I got to spend time with him today :D

10 days left...

In 10 days I say goodbye to my best friend for two whole years. I'll admit it. I'm not ready to let him go but I have to be strong. I know it's what The Lord wants and I support him fully. The people of Mexico are gonna be so lucky to have him.

He means everything to me and I can't wait for the day he returns in honor. I love him with all my heart. 

But I am scared. I'm actually scared out of my mind. So many things could happen in the two years and all the different outcomes is what scares me most. I know I want to marry him. It's crazy to say that, but it's true. I'm worried that when he comes back, I won't be good enough for him. Or we will become worlds apart and there will be nothing. Waiting for somebody for two years is scary but even after all my insecurities, at the end of the day I tell myself I can wait. I deserve to at least know what can become of the two of us. I don't want to let him go and regret it when it's too late. 

He knows practically every side of me there is and he still loves me. I have never felt this way about anyone before...and I'll just say I've had my fair share of guys. He makes me so happy and I love being with him. 

I'm also scared because I have nobody else I can rely on like him. I just started out on a new chapter in my life with college and I have nobody. I've met nice people but I was so naive to think I would find a friend I could rely on like all my old high school friends who are now miles away. Every day that gets closer to saying goodbye to Wyatt, I become more and more afraid to let him go. I already feel like I've lost practically everything and so I'm afraid to lose him too. I know I sound like some whining baby, but I honestly I don't want to be alone. I love being with friends and having a good time but since college, I don't really have any friends with me or have much fun. Everyone says college is so much better than high school. I disagree. I loved high school more than anything and college is like jr. high to me. Where I feel like I don't belong and like I don't have a place anywhere. I've tried to start getting involved but I haven't seen it going anywhere. 

So enough with the depressing, whining stuff...I know that The Lord is with me every day. I've seen it in just the few days I've been on my own. I know he's watching over me and my needs. He gave me my sister who doesn't live far from me. He gave me the blessing of my family living close if I ever need to come home. He gave me good professors and great advisors to help me through my college years. And he gave me Wyatt. So that I would know what love felt like. Yes, I may be saying goodbye to him, but he's been a huge blessing in my life. I know God will help me the next two years to help me be strong. He hears and answers prayers...even the silent ones. He wants us to be happy, and knowing that makes all difference. 

So for the next ten (well nine now) days I'll be posting things about me and Wyatt and our journey to us saying goodbye for two years. 

This was from his farewell a couple weeks ago :)