Okay...so I knew this was going to be hard, but I honestly didn't think it would be this hard. After Wyatt left , I honestly felt so detached from everything. I was sad and upset and always feeling down. I wasn't happy even though I tried to be...I just couldn't seem to be happy. I didn't care how I looked because I felt like there was no point in caring since Wyatt was gone. I didn't want to see anybody. I just wanted to sit at home and cry and feel bad about myself. I honestly wasn't myself and I have never felt that way before. I was so heartbroken...it felt as if I had just gotten broken up with and honestly...it was hard on me.
Finally, I couldn't handle it anymore. One night, I got down on my knees and I poured out my soul to my Father in Heaven. It was hard. I have never felt this way before, but God helped me through that night. I had already been afraid that Wyatt was going to tell me that we needed to break things off. I was scared to death that he didn't want me to be a distraction and that he was falling out of love with me. I cried out to Heavenly Father and asked for comfort, some sort of peace so that I could make it through this hard time. I felt some peace that night, but it wasn't until the next day that I was filled with comfort.
I had received an email from my sweetheart! It was a short, simple message but it was all I needed. He told me he loved me and that was all I needed to hear from him. Yes, the rest of the email was nice but I just needed to know he still loved me. God had answered my prayer. He really is aware of his daughters...especially those missionary girlfriends. After that email I was finally happy and I picked myself up and have been doing better.
Saturday I was truly happy again. I laughed! And I was having an amazing day! Yes, I wish Wyatt could have been there with me or I wish I could have texted him to tell him how great work was, but I learned that it was okay for me to be happy without him. I learned that if I lost myself in trying to make myself happy for these next two years, I can be truly happy. Even without Wyatt.
I love him more than anybody and I can't wait for when I'll get to share those little moments with him again. But for now, I'm learning to adjust to him being gone and still trying to be myself. It's hard. It's extremely hard, but I'm willing to try because he's so worth it! He makes me so happy and I don't want to lose him. I know these next two years are going to be extremely difficult. I'm going to have those days where I feel like I can't do it anymore, but I'm going to make it through! I promise. I don't fall in love that easy. A lot of people think I do but honestly...I don't. Wyatt is everything to me and I'm in love with him. I hope he realizes how much I love him and how lucky I feel just to know he is mine.
I know with God by my side, I can make it through these next two years. I have felt my relationship grow with Him in just the week Wyatt has been gone. I'm grateful I have a Father in Heaven who is aware of my concerns, my struggles and my anxieties. He has been helping me out like crazy and I love Him for it!
Here's to adjusting!
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