Now back to the present time and I am here writing this with almost a month left before I get to see Elder Wyatt Johnson. Our waiting journey has not in any way, shape, or form been easy. But even through all the heartache, pain, lonely nights, ice cream binges, and heartfelt prayers of sorrow, I can honestly say that I have come to love him more each passing day. I am full of excitement to be able to see my best friend once again. And I can't believe how fast these two years have gone by. Looking back at everything, I am so proud of the both of us to be here now, awaiting for that reunion hug.
I want to share mine and Wyatt's love story with all of you now.
Wyatt and I went to high school together. We had a bunch of mutual friends in high school but we somehow had never really met each other. We finally did meet the summer before our senior year. And honestly, my love life was a mess when I first met Wyatt. But that was okay because Wyatt and I were just friends, getting to know each other. My first impression of Wyatt was that he was really cute haha. And as I got to know him, I realized how sensitive, humble, caring, and loyal he was. I started to form a crush on him after he took me to our school's homecoming dance but I didn't act on anything because I still was having a crazy love life. Eventually, the two of us started dating our exes again and we just continued our friendship. Well things didn't end well with either of our exes and before long, I found myself not being able to deny the fact that I was forming feelings for Wyatt.
We both went on our school's choir tour trip and while we were on the trip, he told me he liked me and we kind of had a "CTR" (choir tour romance). After choir tour, we continued to see each other and before long, we were dating. Not too long after, Wyatt received his mission call. He would be going to the Chihuahua, Mexico mission on September 17th. So in about 4 months he would be gone! I didn't choose right then to wait for him. We just continued dating, seeing how things would turn out.
So Wyatt left on his mission, and I had decided to wait for him. I understood things would be complicated, but I didn't fully understand how hard this waiting thing would be. Things started out great and as time went on, it seemed to be going just fine. I felt blessed for the "wait" I had. I could email him, send him packages or letters, he would email me, sometimes return a letter and I got a call from him on Christmas so I wasn't complaining. I knew other girls who were waiting for a missionary that had a much harder wait and I remember thinking how strong they were because I never could be in their shoes. I felt like I could hardly stand in my own shoes at times and I felt pretty blessed!
Then one Monday, I got an email that would change my wait completely. Things had to change and the more I read that email, the more my heart would break. Wyatt and I stopped writing. He had reminded me over and over the email that it wasn't a breakup and that he wanted me to keep waiting for him and have faith, but he had to focus on the Lord. The email shook me up. I had previously felt a similar prompting but I was too afraid to say anything, but I am so grateful that he spoke up and did what we both knew was right. The Lord had to come first.
So we stopped writing and communicating became so hard. I often times felt like I was dating a ghost and thought I was crazy to keep waiting for this boy. Everything felt so one-sided. There were many sleepless nights or nights where I would cry myself to sleep, worried that I would lose the man I loved. But the Lord always gave me strength when I needed it. And I continued to live my life day by day, just like Wyatt did on his mission. I don't know how I did it, but I always seemed to be able to continue on and any little thing that happened with Wyatt, seemed to be so much greater,
Now, I not only was waiting but I was "waiting and dating" (and before you condemn me for that please hear me out). Prior to Wyatt's mission, we had talked about what would happen dating wise for me while he was on his mission. We both felt like going on dates, getting to know other guys and making sure I had explored my options was what was best for me. We made that decision together. That doesn't mean I've just been going around dating any guy I see. Believe me! Starting to date anybody while Wyatt was gone, took months! And for those that are waiting and dating or thinking about waiting and dating, everyone is different. Take your time.
I did start dating one guy in particular. He was a really great guy and I still think he's a great guy. He made me laugh, he was there for me when I felt down, he understood my situation with my missionary and was supportive about it. To be truthful, he was quite amazing. But things got messy and confusing and I also started to see that I wasn't always who I wanted to be when I was around him. His family situation became chaotic, a part of it being because he was dating me. And even though things felt good when I was with him, I couldn't see myself with him past that present time. Things never really felt complete with him. And a part of me was still deeply in love with Wyatt. Eventually things became too much with this other guy so we went our separate ways. He's still in my life and is a great friend, but things aren't how they were before.
So, back to Wyatt...eventually he started to write me again and things started to be really good again. He had grown so much and I could see his new, found strength. For me, it was a little weird starting to write again because I didn't know what to say all the time and was always afraid of becoming a distraction again. But we made it to where we are now and pretty soon I will get to see the man I've been waiting for the past two years.
I haven't written every sad and lonely moment from the past two years here and I don't plan to because that would be sad and depressing, but talking to you missionary girlfriends, I know those days exist. And they exist way more than you wish they would. It's not easy being a missionary girlfriend. But it wasn't supposed to be easy. But I can promise that it was meant to be worth it! I know that things still may not work out with me and Wyatt, but I know this journey has made me a better and stronger person and so I know that no matter what happens, this will all be worth it.
Speaking to my missionary girlfriends in particular, it's rough, I know. Remember that it's okay to be sad and to feel upset or hurt or confused. It's okay to break down and cry. But do not hold onto those feelings forever. Let yourself break down. Let yourself cry. Let yourself binge watch Netflix as you scarf down a tub of ice cream. But always, always remember to pick yourself up again right after. Take it to the Lord and He will help you. Continue to grow as your boyfriend grows in his own ways. And find a support team! I couldn't have asked for a better support team than the one I have. It's filled with missionary girlfriends who also understand what I am going through and are so willing to help. I am so grateful for all the friends and acquaintances I have been able to make over the last two years! I will forever hold a special place in my heart for all the MG's out there. No matter what happens, the wait will always be worth it!
I seriously cannot wait to see you again, Elder Johnson! It's coming up so fast! I am so proud of all the work you have done and I cannot wait to hear about everything in person! I will forever love you and support you. I am thankful for this crazy journey we have been through and I can't wait to see what lies ahead for us!
I will definitely keep everyone updated! Thank you to those that have supported me and helped me along the way. I would not be where I am if it wasn't for you guys! Here's to the last of my journey!!!
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