Monday, December 15, 2014

My life, my decision.

So I've been thinking a lot lately about waiting for Wyatt. We're almost at 3 months now and I've realized a few things. 
One. I love Wyatt more than anyone else! He is the guy I'm head over heels for and I have never been so in love before. He picks me up when I'm down, he supports me and loves me no matter what! No other guy is like him and I can't believe I got so lucky!
Two. Waiting is lonely. Sometimes it's hard to wait because I don't have much to do other than work and school. Wyatt is fully invested in the gospel and I'm glad but sometimes I feel like I have so much down time that it makes waiting for him so hard. I feel like I spend too much time worried about being the perfect missionary girlfriend and it makes it harder on the wait. He reassures me that I'm the best but I still have my insecurities. I often feel alone in waiting. I don't know many people around me that are waiting for a missionary. I have the FB support pages and they help a lot but sometimes I feel so far away from it all that I get lonely. I've had to learn to have more trust and patience that my happily ever after will work out. It's just a matter of time.
Three. God is always there. I've seen the hand of The Lord in my life so much more since Wyatt left. He truly is aware of me and wants what is best for me. He knows how I feel during this whole wait and is the one who understands the most. When I have nobody else, I know that I have Him. 
Four. People will always judge. I get a lot of negativity because of my decision to wait. People tell me I'm wasting my life or he's not focused on his mission if I'm around. They tell me it's not going to work and we'll break things off before he comes home. So then I tell them how Wyatt and I have tried to be realistic about our situation. We understand that we're going to change within the next two years. We love each other now, but we don't know for sure what God's plan for us is. We hope it will be the two of us but how can you know for sure when they aren't around? Wyatt told me before he left that he wanted me to date other guys while he's gone because he didn't want me to feel obligated to stay if God had a different plan. I agreed because I wanted to know for sure that Wyatt was or wasn't the guy I'm supposed to marry. So when I explain that to people, they then tell me that I'm cheating on Wyatt or not giving the guys I date a fair chance. They hate hearing I'm waiting for a guy but then hate hearing that I'm open to dating. You can't please everyone! Honestly, I've stopped caring. I'm just trying to do what I feel is right for me. Wyatt understands that I want to make sure he's the one, he's on the same page! I talk to him about my "dating life" so he's aware of it and it won't come to him as a shock when he comes home. You can say all you want about how I've chosen to wait for Wyatt but honestly it's not your place to care. It's mine and Wyatt's relationship. Not yours. I respect your decisions in any relationship you have so it would be nice if you would do the same for me. 
Five. Not every relationship is the same. As I've learned of other girls waiting for a missionary, I have loved hearing their love stories. However, I have found how different each wait is. Some email back and forth with their mish, some are super close to their mish's family, some get a phone call at the airport, some get letters every week, some get birthday surprises, some get texts or messages from people in their mish's area, some don't get to email their missionary, some don't get packages from their missionary, some serve while their mish is out...etc. But not all the girls who wait have the same wait. It's hard to remember that sometimes. I have to remind myself that what my mish and I have is special and unique. Nobody else has the exact same circumstances as I do and that's okay. I'm actually glad because it lets me know how special our relationship is. We have a unique fairytale and nobody can take that away from me! I cherish the relationship I do have and the wait I have. It's tailored to what I know is best for me and my mish to continue to grow together during the wait. And I couldn't have asked for a better wait. It's hard somedays but every relationship has its ups and downs. I'm just glad to go through those ups and downs with my best friend...even if he's almost 2,000 miles away. 

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