So I'm going to try to keep up on this blog more because I haven't been as active as I wish I was the past 16 months and as I get closer to saying hello again to Elder Johnson, I want to share my experiences and any advice with girls who are waiting for a missionary or will be waiting for a missionary in the future.:/
Today I wanted to talk about waiting and dating. This is a term many missionary girlfriends are familiar with and many times will be criticized for if it is something they choose to do. Plainly put, waiting and dating is when you are waiting for your missionary but are also dating other guys. To those unfamiliar with this idea, it often sounds like you aren't being faithful or like you aren't really able to fully commit. Girls who have chosen to wait and date, let me be clear - I firmly believe that you can wait and date and it doesn't make you a bad person for doing it.
For those of you who are getting ready to send your boyfriend off on a mission or just recently sent him off on his mission, this is something you are probably wondering about. Should I date while my missionary is gone on his mission? I can't give you an answer because each of us are different and our relationships are all different, but you should talk to your missionary (or soon to be missionary) about it and you should definitely pray about it. I've seen some girls wait for a missionary and not date and then I've seen other girls wait for a missionary and date. It doesn't matter whether you choose to date or not while your missionary is out. It is up to you and him and after you two have made that decision, it doesn't matter what other people say. However, you should continue to be on the same page about waiting and dating throughout his mission....not in a distracting manner, but if you choose to wait and date it doesn't mean you have to or vice versa. I personally have waited and dated so I really can only tell you what I have gotten from doing that and I don't really have much say in not dating while waiting.
My missionary and I talked about me dating before he left on his mission. We both felt like it would be beneficial for me to date while he was his mission should that kind of occasion arise. So when he first left on his mission, he was fully aware that I would date other guys while he was away. I didn't go out and just start going on dates. I actually turned down a couple of dates the first couple of months because I was not ready to put myself out there like that. I was still trying to get used to the idea of waiting and dating. As time went on though, I started to open myself up again and I would go out with a guy every now and then.
Now. Let me get this straight. Waiting and dating can be hard. Like extremely hard. And it can get confusing. If you are not honest with the person you are dating and your missionary...things can get out of hand. If I go on date with guy, I make sure to tell them before there are any plans for a second date, about my missionary. I am very open about my missionary. I will tell you our story of how we started dating, I will tell you about how we have been during his mission, I will let you know that I am still in love with him. It's not a big deal to me to be honest to guys that I do have a missionary. Now obviously I don't let the guy know about the entire situation with me and my missionary just on the first date, but I do make it a point to bring him up so that I don't have to feel like I'm lying to him later on. But that is just me, it's up to you how you handle telling guys about waiting for a missionary.
For me, the hardest thing about waiting and dating has been communicating with my missionary about the guys I date. Not because I'm trying to hide anything, because really I'm not trying to hide. He knows I date guys, so I really don't have anything to hide. I trust him and I want to be honest with him. The problem comes with the fact that I don't want to be too distracting for him while he is on his mission. He is out serving the Lord and I don't want to bother the Lord's work just for some boy stuff. However, it is important...and you have to find a balance of being honest with him about your relationships with people (even if it's not in a dating situation) and not being too distracting about it. It's hard to find that balance and sometimes you go back and forth of being in balance and being out of balance. That's okay because this is all a learning experience and we aren't always perfect.
I do want to give some advice though. If you find yourself getting into a more serious relationship with somebody while your missionary is gone, you should let him know. Not to worry him, not to shove it in his face...but it's the polite thing to do. He should be aware of the people that do mean a lot to you and yes, it may sting a little that you find comfort with somebody else right now, but if you are happy, then he should be happy knowing that you are happy and it means a lot to him that you are willing to open up to him about something like that.
Personal story time. Dating while Wyatt has been on his mission has been interesting. Like I said earlier, at first I turned down a couple of dates because I wasn't ready. Then I started going on dates and they were more like just friend dates. Then I started expanding my horizon and was open to giving more guys a chance. I worked with this one guy and we started seeing each other a little more and spending a lot of time together. Things started to get a little confusing for a lot of reasons but the main reasons were that I was still crazy in love with Wyatt but I also found myself liking this other guy. Things weren't super serious with this other guy but we kept seeing each other. He knew about Wyatt and we often times would talk about me and Wyatt and how we were and what plans we had when he returned home. He would often tell me that he didn't mind only having me for a few months, and that he knew he would get something out of whatever we decided to do. Well this all kind of started while Wyatt and I weren't emailing. Then Wyatt started to email and things got a little more messy haha. It's been difficult because I am so in love with Wyatt and with the other guy, we know we don't have forever and we won't have any future. So I've often wondered what am I even doing if I know I'm not going to be with him in a few months? Then I found this article thing one day on Facebook and I think it goes so perfectly with this situation. There are some things I don't agree with that the author states, but the overall feeling is pretty much how I have felt with this other guy. Here's the link for those of you who wish to read it http://elitedaily.com/dating/like-someone-not-the-one/1205370/
I love when it says, "We've been taught that even the relationships that don't work out are bound to teach us something There's always a lesson to be learned. Self-discovery doesn't stop at the experiences that give us answers." This is something I have always told people when they are trying to decide for themselves whether they should wait and date. I honestly believe that you learn something about yourself and about what you want and need in a relationship when you date...and it doesn't have to be a relationship for you to learn those kind of things it really can be just one date. I went on a date one time with a nice guy, he was a real gentlemen but he was too much of a gentlemen for me. If I had to step out for something or had to go to the bathroom, he would follow me and wait for me before we continued with what we were doing and for me that was a little suffocating haha. I still think he's a nice guy but I learned that I like to also have a little space and privacy. So with this other guy I've been somewhat seeing, I have learned a lot about myself and in strange ways, it has helped me to feel closer to Wyatt which I was actually unsure about when I first thought about dating other guys while Wyatt was on his mission.
So girls, in the end this decision is for you and your missionary to make. You may change your mind later on too and that's totally okay! This waiting thing is unique for each of us! Have faith, pray and you'll be able to know what things are best for you and your missionary.
